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Archive for September, 2008

Fluff

So if you’ve read this blog up to this point,  you may have noticed it’s a little… fluffy. Yeah. It’s not over the top, but it’s been very love and light. Well, fine, that’s just the mood I’ve been in. Things in my life have been much less than fluffy love and light lately, so I’ve been counter-balancing a bit.

Well, this is me saying that I’m not all that fluffy. Sure I delve into it now and again. Sometimes it’s nice to take a bubble bath, put on a soft, thick robe, and drink hot cocoa while watching Cinderella on Disney DVD ™. Sometimes we need a hug from the Big Lady in the Sky (er, of the Sky?) It feels nice. It’s reassuring. It makes us feel safe and hopeful.

But there’s a reason I’m a Witch and not a Whitelighter. And I have nothing against Whitelighters, per se, nor the New Age movement or any of that. They’ve got some good ideas and some good practices. They help a lot of people to feel nice and reassured and safe and hopeful. For some people, that’s enough. That’s what they need. That’s what they want.

Bunny

Personally, I don’t have the luxury. I know there’s a dark side to the spirit world, and that it’s Big, Bad, and Scary, and absolutely vital. And I know that the Big, Bad, and Scary stuff is in me, too. And you. And that other guy.

The thing is, I actually enjoy that side of being a spiritual person. It’s fucking interesting, for one thing. More importantly, there’s no getting around it. You can try and dump as much white light and love on your Shadow as you want, but it ain’t going away. To use a cliché, if you cage the beast it just gets angry.

I’m sure you’ve all heard this a million times. I’m not getting into it now. But I did want to point out that, yes – I work heavily with gratitude; yes – I do my best to stay optomistic in the face of opposition; yes – I acknowledge and appreciate “universal love.” However, I also do Shadow work, mirror work, and invoke darkness into my self and my circles. I acknowledge that there are things out there that can hurt me, and some that actually want to (people aren’t the only jerks in the universe!), and that most of them just want respect and privacy and we’ll get along fine by learning to live and let live.

…self-exploration is occult activity. By searching out the seldom-plumbed depths of soul and psyche, we shine our consciousness on what has been obscured. We are seeking the hidden: the sources of our strength, our danger, the neuroses that shape us, the power that guides us, our soft and vulnerable spaces. Until we can walk into the deep spaces, we cannot soar into the heights. Balance is the key. Not a static balance, but a shifting balance, with a fulcrum that, through practice, can become both strong and supple. This is part of the dance of our evolution as human beings.

-T. Thorn Coyle, Evolutionary Witchcraft, pp 76-77.

So I encourage us all to bring a little light into our lives when we are feeling too dark, and a little darkness in when it feels too bright. (Ooo, that reminds me of one of my songs. Maybe I’ll post it sometime.) And you know what happens when you mix up that light and dark really well? You get a whole new kind of shine!

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A Prayer to Tehuti

I just got back from the beautiful Balboa Park, the largest park and art center in San Diego, California. What a beautiful day to be outside! The sun was bright, the air was warm but not hot under the shade of the trees, there was a gentle breeze, and the tree I was under got a visit from a couple of squirrels looking for their dinner. What follows is what I wrote in my journal while I was there.

I came here to Balboa Park with the specific intention to write. Now that I’m here, I still can’t think of anything to write about. I read a little, and I’ve been sitting here people-watching and enjoying being outside in the late summer air.

I notice that I’m halfway through this book now. I can see the binding threads between this page and the last. The first half has seemed uneventful. Hopefully the rest will have somethig more to offer.

But right now, I feel so drained of Sex.* I don’ know where my creativity went, or what I sold it for. Whatever it was, it was not worth it. But sitting on the grasss under a tree in the shade, listening to the fountain and the children and the wind and the bells in the clock tower… it feels gently rejuvinating. Losing myself in this way seems to have been a slow process. Why shouldn’t replenishing myself be slow and gentle as well? Why try to force anything? All my lessons this year have centered around relaxing and just letting things be. Set boundaries, but let go. Things will grow on their own.

Thoth told me that last bit at Samhain. Here it’s almost Samhain again and I’ve been hearing that lesson all year long. It’s definitely starting to sink in.

So what I’ll write today is a prayer to Thoth, in gratitude and apology for a year of lessons and avoidance.

Mighty Tehuti!
Wise Lord of time and magic
God of scribes and keeper of Law:
I honor you with my very breath
and the ink which flows from my pen.
I have known your Love
and felt unworthy.
I have known your disappointment
and responded with guilt.
But you have remained -
my silent teacher.
Your glory has surrounded me
though I was unaware.
For it is You, my lord,
who drive me towards greatness
who inspires my growth
who guides me in my quest
for knowledge
for understanding
for wisdom.
Your bright eyes smile upon me;
I feel them.
With the reed in your hand
you write blessings on my heart.
And when that heart shines,
I shine it for you,
Tehuti,
bright Lord of Wisdom,
whose magic has led me
and whose star guides me still.

Have you written any prayers to your Gods? I’d love to read them. Please feel free to share or link to them in the comments section.

*Sex in the sense of the Iron Pentacle point of Sex.

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